Expectations, Reality, and Always Waiting to Be

by D. Villena-Mata, thinking of her goddaughter and others who have forgotten their Selves.

...50 per cent of what we see is actually based on information entering our eyes. The remaining 50 per cent plus is pieced together out of our expectations of what the world should look like...eyes are visual organs but it is the brain that sees....in instances we are so used to responding to what we think is there, we don't always see what really is there.
--Michael Talbot, The Holographic Universe, p. 163

How does this apply to domestic violence?


My goddaughter's and other voices like her echo in me, saying,
"I remember when he..."
"I remember how we..."
"I remember the good times when..."

The memories fuel the hope
for that month of cherished love
be elongated to fit the years of
abuse, of disrespect

The abuse, the words, the looks and dirty stares,
the pinching, the hitting, the shoving,
the kicks
are forgotten or minimized

"That is not what he is. He just had a hard day."
"It is my fault." "He is great with our children."
This statement of what a wonderful tender father he is,
as he holds the baby while kicking you,
calling you names.
The baby looking and crying,
taking in the energy, absorbing the scene.
Getting older before his or her time.
Learning from daddy
how to treat women.
Learning from mommy
how to behave.

"But he loves me and he says
he will never do it again."

Expectations and memories of
honeymoon behaviors
stifle the ongoing memories of the
the verbal demeaning,
the patronizing looks,
the shaming of not doing things "just right."

Expectations and "I remember when,
and things will get better"
are the carrots you feed to yourself
as you get hit with the stick
over and over again;
or the threat of being hit
keeping you on a leash,

with your body posture
giving you away
of having a broken heart
and a broken soul
yet seemingly oblivious
numbed to your own body's and soul's pleas
as you repeatingly tell yourself and others
that he did not do "it" or mean "it"
that it is not his fault

reality takes a back seat
to hopes and dreams
loss of selves
and turning over your mirrors
to your "beloved's" to describe
to you how you look and how to feel and
how to supposedly Be

you lie to yourself
for fear of seeing the truth
for fearing that you are not strong enough
to leave
for fear of being killed or maimed
by your 'beloved'

you lie to yourself
taking drugs
drinking alcohol
staying busy
--anything to keep you
from feeling how you really feel
about your existence,
which you have mistaken for life.

you are not alone
but he made sure of isolating you
from your mother,
your family
your closest friends,
from your own heart

yet you are not alone
others have made it
so can you

secretely planning
an escape
with the help of others
who love you to wholeness,
and not to pieces;
who wait patiently
waiting for your final word of releasing yourself from this existence you call life.

to escape to freedom and Life

you are not alone

On the Spot...
...with A Window Between Worlds

Features
Expectations, Reality, and Always Waiting to Be

The Decision
Written by Mary Ellen

Holistic Household Cleaning Tips from Kat
Written by Kat Grassell

Parenting and Relationship
As I Look in Your Eyes
Written by A.F. Firebird

Men Supporting Women
Burka Too
Written by Herb Press

Health Share
Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Hypnosis
Written by Melissa J. Roth, C.H.T., PhD(c)

The Way of the Wounded Healer
Written by Marilyn Gordon, C.H.T., CI

Understanding Terror-induced Trauma
Written by Yael Fischman, Ph.D.

Flashback Intervention Tool
Written by Darling Villena-Mata, Ph.D.

Spirit-to-Spirit
My Brother's Spirit
Written by Leticia Garza-Falcon, Ph.D. in collaboration with her brother, Robert Garza Jr.

Solstice
Written by Nona Passalacqua

Transitions
Written by Darling G. Villena-Mata

From the Stars
Written by Darling G. Villena-Mata

Q&A
Bien Educada
by Readers and Dr. Villena-Mata

These articles and opinions of the authors do not constitute the endorsement of InnerMidst Magazine nor its publisher, CirclePoint or any of its staff. The articles are solely the opinions of the authors.These writings are not tools to be substituted for ongoing assistance from a qualified person who is versed in trauma. Please seek help from your local area for professional assistance in letting go of traumas. We also encourage you to do research and expand your knowledge. Be a responsible consumer and seek a variety of sources to meet your needs and to empower yourself. You understand that what is provided is for educational and philosophical purposes. You are soley responsible for your choices, including seeking medical and other healing care.

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